


Re-glitch

by ClueingforBEGGs



Series: Red Dwarf Crack [2]
Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-11-02 11:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20732447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClueingforBEGGs/pseuds/ClueingforBEGGs
Summary: Rimmer's glitching again. Sequal to my previous crackfic, Glitch, which I published exactly three months before this.





	Re-glitch

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a typo which ended up comparing Rimmer to 'Peal' instead of 'Pearl', which I then made a bad edit for.

Kryten enjoyed cleaning the bunkroom. Once he had managed to remove the curry containers, curry stains, half-eaten curries with flies buzzing around them, and banana peels, he could stand back and admire a temporarily clean room. That always made him feel a warm, fuzzy sensation in his circuit boards. 

_Hang on. _Thought Kryten. _Mr Lister hates bananas. What's a banana peel doing here? _

Curiously, the mechanoid bent over to pick up the banana peel. He shook it slightly, and, unsurprisingly the different parts of the peel started waving about. 

What was surprising was that they then grabbed onto his hand. In a split second, Kryten's panic circuits engaged and he started screaming whilst jumping from foot to foot and shaking his hand around in a desperate attempt to rid himself of the offending item.

'It's a polymorph! Mr Lister sir! Mr Rimmer sir! There's a polymorph!' 

Unsurprisingly, as he was standing in an empty bunkroom, nobody replied. His logic circuits finally won the battle for control of his CPU, and his panic died down enough for him to think

'Holly! Where's Mr Lister?'

Holly appeared on the bunkroom computer. 'Off moonwalking with Cat. He's doing it wrong, though. He's just sliding his feet backwards.' 

'What about Mr Rimmer?'

'Bunkroom.'

'Sorry?' 

'Bunkroom. You're holding him.'

Kryten looked down at the banana, which he then noticed had a blue H just above a pair of angry eyes. 

'Sir, are you okay?'

The banana peel Rimmer waved his bits of peel around in a similar way to how most banana peels don't.

Kryten turned the banana peel over. Due to the empty nature of banana peels, he found Rimmer's lightbee projecting his image, or rather, the banana's image, around itself, and was not in fact within him. He found the off switch with ease and uploaded the contents of Rimmer's hard drive to a nearby computer. 

* * *

It had taken Kryten a while, but he had managed to remove the offending bit of code and turn Rimmer back into, well, himself. There was one slight issue, though.

As Rimmer's image formed around his lightbee he sighed in relief. Which was understandable, as he was no longer a banana peel. 

'Sir, how are you feeling?'

'Much better, Kryten.'

'Unfortunately, sir, I have bad news.'

'What?'

'Oh, sir, it's terrible.' Kryten burst into tears.

'What is it? Is it Lister? He's not dead, is he?'

'No! Worse!' Kryten wiped away the oil that was running down his cheeks.

'Worse than death? What happened to him?'

'Nothing, sir! If you ever want a banana again, it won't come in its peel!'


End file.
